Choosing Flowers for Funerals - A Gentle Guide

Last updated: March 2026

Choosing flowers for a funeral is a deeply personal decision made during a difficult time. Whether you're honouring a loved one or supporting a grieving family, funeral flowers offer a way to express sympathy, celebrate a life, and provide comfort. Here's a gentle guide to help you choose meaningful funeral flowers.

The Role of Funeral Flowers

When I arrive with flowers at a funeral or Celebration of Life, I often notice the same thing, especially when the person was older. The family have already been grieving together, and by the time I arrive, their grief has reached a kind of lull. They're in that quiet space between loss and the service ahead. When the flowers arrive, something shifts. They're happy to see them - it's almost like permission to feel a moment of joy.

I think of funeral flowers as a final parting gift. The last thing you can give that person. A final appreciation and acknowledgement for the life that was.

How I Work With You

When someone contacts me about funeral flowers, my first priority isn't flowers at all - it's listening. I ask about their vision for the service: who will be there, where they're going, what the day will look like. Getting a picture of the whole day helps me make suggestions that actually fit, and it takes the pressure off having to make decisions about flowers when everything already feels overwhelming. It gets people talking about the things they do know.

I always ask about the vibe of the service - because there's a real difference between a traditional Catholic funeral, a relaxed Celebration of Life, and a Maori tangi. Each has its own feel, its own customs, its own meaning. If I'm working with a culture or tradition I'm less familiar with, I ask lots of questions, take plenty of notes, and follow the family's lead. It's not my place to assume - it's my place to listen and create something that feels right for them.

Sometimes people love to talk about the person who has passed. Other times, I have to gently draw it out of them. I always prefer the more information option - the more I know about who this person was, the more meaningful I can make the flowers.

If it isn't last minute, I'll often suggest they take a quiet moment with my questionnaire - it gives them things to think about at their own pace, rather than having to answer everything on the spot. And I always make sure they know: there is time. I'll give them a clear idea of the timeframe so they understand exactly when I need to know, and they can breathe a little.

Choosing Meaningful Flowers

Because I grow everything myself on my Matarangi farm, the flowers I use are whatever is blooming seasonally. This means if a family requests a specific flower, I'll always be honest - if I have it, I'll absolutely use it, and if I don't, we'll find another way to make the arrangement meaningful. Often that's where the personalisation comes in - a special object or element that represents the person, rather than a specific flower.

I've done flowers for my own family three times now, and each time we've sat around together - snacks, cups of tea, talking about the good times - while we made the arrangements. It's quietly therapeutic, and it turns the making into part of the farewell itself. If a family wanted to be involved in creating their own arrangements, especially using flowers from their loved one's garden, that's something I'd be very open to exploring together.

For native NZ elements, I grow some natives and can weave flax into arrangements - adding something uniquely New Zealand and deeply connected to this place.

Colour Considerations

In my experience, most families aren't reaching for white lilies - they want something cheerful, something that feels like the person. I work with families to choose a colour palette based on favourite colours, the vibe of the ceremony, or even something as specific as the colours of their home. Today's brief was "bright and cheerful, something that suits the terracotta of the house" - so we went with warm tones, lots of dahlias, zinnias, and celosia. It was beautiful.

Because I grow everything myself, I generally work with colour schemes rather than specific flowers. That way I can mix and match whatever is blooming beautifully that week to create something that feels cohesive and full. The moment someone asks for a particular flower, I'm limited to what I have growing - so a colour palette gives us both more freedom and usually a lovelier result.

Whether that's soft and gentle pastels, rich warm tones, or a gorgeous mix of their favourite colour - we'll find something that feels right.

Seasonal and Local Considerations

I'll be honest - every growing season teaches me something new, and I'm still discovering what my Matarangi garden is capable of. Winter and early spring are quieter times, but it's always worth asking - there are surprises I'm still yet to discover myself.

What I can tell you is that when I do have flowers, they are as fresh and local as it gets. I've known these flowers since they were a packet of seeds - sometimes seeds I've collected from the previous season's blooms. They've never sat in a warehouse or travelled across the country. They go from my garden to your loved one's farewell, and there's something quietly meaningful about that.

It's a more personal touch than I can fully put into words. But I think families feel it.

Personalising Funeral Flowers

One of my favourite parts of making funeral flowers is adding something personal - a little surprise for the family that represents exactly who their loved one was. It's my gift to them. A way of saying: I see you, I heard you, and I care about getting this right.

It also has a practical magic to it - asking families about the person's hobbies, passions, and quirks gets them talking and opens them up. Suddenly we're not just discussing flower arrangements, we're celebrating a life.

For a lady who loved golf, I nestled golf balls in the base of the vase and tucked wooden tees amongst the blooms. For my own grandfather, my sister and I made a bow from the pages of his sudoku book - puzzles he had actually completed. We asked family members if they knew of any flowers that held meaning for him, and one aunty remembered taking him to a flower show where he'd been captivated by tiny white pansies - they were actually violas. So we planted white violas in little terracotta pots and included them in his farewell.

I like to know who I am blessed with the task of honouring. And adding something meaningful is my way of showing families that I'm not just out here making money off their heartbreak. I genuinely care.

Practical Considerations

When you're ready to reach out, please don't hesitate - even if you're not sure what you want yet. That's what I'm here for. Get in touch as soon as you can, and I'll let you know what timeframe we're working with so there's no added pressure.

When you have a quiet moment, my questionnaire walks you through everything I need to know - from the details of the service through to delivery or pickup from Matarangi. There's no rush to fill it in all at once.

And if budget is a concern, please just say so. It's nothing to feel awkward about - I can make something beautiful work at almost any budget, and I'd rather have an honest conversation than have you worry in silence.

I just love flowers. I trained as a florist, grew a garden, and somewhere along the way it became my greatest joy to share them with others. Being trusted to create flowers for someone's farewell is something I don't take lightly. It is an honour every single time.

If I can help you honour your loved one, please don't hesitate to reach out.

You can find more details and request a quote on my Farewell Flowers page.

With sympathy and care,
Emma